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'Road to Rhode Island' is a song sung by Brian and Stewie Griffin in the episode of the same name. The song is a parody of the songs in the old Hope/Crosby 'Road to.' Films and uses the tune of the title song from Road to Morocco. Brian: Listen kid, there's- there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's not easy for me to say. Oh by the way, this is for you. Stewie's face turns red and he craps even more in his pants. CHANGE ME NOW!' (Scene cuts to the Griffin house) Lois is finishing changing Stewie when Meg walks in all excited and sys. 'Mom, guess what. I just met this great guy. His name is Scooter and he is so dreamy. I can't stop thinking about him.'

Growing Up.

Disclaimer: I do not own or have anything to do with Family Guy. I only own the character Scooter and the Hooker. Heh, Heh All right!

A/N: I am going to try to make this in story format rather than play format like my other story. Flashbacks in the story will be indicated by #.

The story begins with Meg window shopping for out fits that she will hopw make her popular. Brian is at her side.

'Oh! I will never find a popular outfit. Now no guy will talk to me…not only that, but none of the popular people will even notice I am alive.' Meg said. 'I don't see what the big deal is about being popular. When I was in school I made it along just fine, or I think it went that way…#(at this moment, Brian had a flashback). Jefferson High-1967..'Hey Brian, looking good (take a puff).' 'Ya, man, [chuckles then vomits] last night was great, but don't you care about not being popular?' '[in a drunken state] Ya…uhh…whatever. [faints]' 'Never mind.' said Brian. Meg replies 'Well, maybe it doesn't matter to you , but it matters to me. [Meg starts crying] School has changed since you went. Just leave me alone, I am going home.' As Meg leaves she glances over at the video store and sees a really cute boy who winks at her.

The scene fades out of the mall into Meg's room. Lois is at her door trying to calm her down.

Peter Griffin Craps His Pants For Men

Sweet bonanza slots. 'Meg, honey. Could you please let me in? I just want to talk. You know, when you talk about stuff it helps. Trust me, when your father and I talk, well actually it is just me talking, but that's now the point. The point is I can tell him anything and he usually listens whenever he is not watching TV. or drunk. Please tell me what is wrong.' Meg unlocks her door and in tears she says, ' What is there to tell…I am ugly and unpopular! Nobody likes me! I can't even get a decent gut to talk to me. Although I did see this really cute guy wink at me from the video store in the mall earlier.' 'Well, well, well, it looks like my little Meg has her eye on a guy. Just don't go getting any ideas and doing something you are going to regret and if you ever need to ask me or your father anything, don't forget that we are there for you.' 'Thanks mom, I love you.' Just then Peter walks in and says, 'Uh…did I miss something? Ummm…You know what, I am gonna go, this looks like one of those chick moments.'

[scene cuts to Meg at the mall the next day. She has brought Stewie along because she was forced to] 'Come on Stewie, I need to buy a purse.' 'Oh what the hell! I am going to kill Lois for making me be in your presence! Huh…are you listening? [slaps Meg] What the devil are you looking at?' All of a sudden some teenage guy walked up to Meg and asked, 'Are you Meg Griffin?' 'Ca…can I help you?' stutters Meg. 'Yes you can, my name is Scooter. You do know w who I am right…I sit all the way in the back of our history class.' Meg then replies, 'Oh yeah. Now I remember. Everyone used to make fun of you because of your name, but I like it. Scooter is such a…creative name.' 'Right. So you wanna go get some ice cream or something sometime? Actually, how about now?' 'I'd love to, except I have to take Stewie home. Tomorrow I will though, how about we meet here at noon?' 'Ok, then see you tomorrow.' Stewie then butts in to say, 'It's about god damn time woman! I mean seriously, all you women want to do is talk to guys. Now get me home and change me before I get a rash and also get sick from my own fumes because I soiled myself. Oh by the way, this is for you. [Stewie's face turns red and he craps even more in his pants.] CHANGE ME NOW!'

(Scene cuts to the Griffin house)

Lois is finishing changing Stewie when Meg walks in all excited and sys. 'Mom, guess what. I just met this great guy. His name is Scooter and he is so dreamy. I can't stop thinking about him.' 'Good for you, honey. Now just because his name is Scooter, doesn't mean you can ride him. Ha ha ha.' 'Mom…what did you mean by that. Are you trying to tell me that I can't see him anymore.' Lois then begins to explain the 'talk' that every parent fears. 'Well, honey…how should I say this? Well…I think I should get your father to help. PETER!' After hearing Lois, Peter goes to see why he was pulled away from his favorite episode of Beer Boy: The Tomb of the Lost Beer. He gets up the stairs and says, 'What now? I just opened my bottle of beer and was just about to watch my favorite episode of Beer Boy: The Tomb of the Lost Beer.' Lois sighs and says, 'Well Peter…our daughter is ready to have the talk!' Peter tried to run, but Lois made him stay. So then Peter said, 'Holy Shit, not again…didn't we already give her that talk? #Peter is on the street extremely drunk talking to some hooker who he thinks is Meg. ' So, uh…Meg, when a mommy Peter loves a daddy Lois they…[vomits then faints].' The hooker then says, ' I do not know of this Meg you are speaking of. Oh and you mixed up the order you fat ass drunk.'# Peter realizes he was wrong and says, 'Sorry Lois, I thought that was Meg. Oh well…anyways Meg, when a mommy loves a daddy very much and the want to make a baby like Stewie for example…' Peter was then cut off be none other than Stewie walking in and asking, ' What the bloody hell are you filling this poor girls head with?' Lois says, 'Stewie, sweetie, can you leave us alone? We are giving your sister a very important talk right now.' Stewie screams, 'AHH, AHH. Shut your goddamn mouth. My bloody ears are bleeding.' Stewie runs out screaming and slams head first into Chris. Chris laughs and says, 'What' wrong with you little man.' Stewie then threatens Chris and replies, 'Get your filthy hands off of me before I cut them off! Who knows where they have been…probably down your pants, no doubt.' Chris goes downstairs and then Brian walks over to Stewie and says, 'Peter giving Meg or Chris the talk again?' 'Oh, look, if it isn't nature's flea magnet, Brian. How are you? Pissed on any carpets or lawns lately? Anyways, yes. The fat bastard is trying to fill Meg's head with lies about babies.' Brian laughs, 'Actually little man, if you know what I mean, [Stewie gives Brian an evil look] all that stuff the big man is saying is true, Every word of that will happen to you too someday.' Stewie's jaw drops and he craps his pants. He just stands there in shock until it became awkward and Brian says, 'Yep…I am gonna go now…have fun.' There was an awkward silence and the scene faded black.

A/N: I will update soon, but I would appreciate it if you reviewed it to tell me if I should do more or you could give me some tips.

For all those people wondering what joke makes Peter shit his pants every time he hears it – This is the Family Guy PS your vaginas in the sink joke:

So this chick goes on a date with this guy she want’s to fuck, but she’s worried cos she’s got such a huge vagina from fuckin’ so many other guys so she gets a piece of liverwurst and shoves it up inside her vagina so when he fucks her it’ll feel tighter. Put’s the liverwurst in her vagina, goes home with the guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning, and he’s gone, and he’s left her a note “Thank you for a lovely evening, I don’t think this is going to work out. PS Your Vagina is in the Sink”.

Lois “heh Peter, maybe this isn’t family conversation”
Peter “no no no wait Lois shut the fuck up”
– The unedited Family Guy is brilliant!

Peter Griffin Craps His Pants For Men

Peter Griffin Craps His Pants Game